How Hogwarts Is Handling The Brexit

Many people have been concerned about how the Brexit will affect citizens on both sides of the debate in the UK.

Negotiations on trading, treaties, and even immigration will have to be redefined, and many people’s jobs and school careers could be challenged in the process.

The wizarding world is already facing obstacles in the aftermath of the Brexit

Berite Bott’s Every Flavored Beans Can No Longer Make Every Flavor

Due to Europe’s resentment towards the UK, they are no longer granting the jellybean company access to ingredients needed to make every flavor.

It looks like Bertie’s flavors like lemon and soap that were imported from France are now being replaced with UK accessible ingredients like spotted-dick and haggis.

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Photo Credit: Karen Roe/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

The QWCA (Quidditch World Cup Association) Has Decided To Exclude The UK From Participating In All Future Tournaments

Hogwarts fears that fewer athletes will choose to attend their school if it no longer feeds into the professional league.

Professor Hooch has been sending her star players off to the wizarding school in Spain, but many of their UK fans are outraged by what they feel is an absolute betrayal.

“They have to play,” Hooch pleaded. “I don’t care what is happening with this country, my players have to make it”.

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Photo Credit: Meg Stewart/Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Gringots Has Gone Bankrupt

Now that so many of their wizards have had to pull their accounts and transfer to EU banks, the famous treasury has taken a huge blow.

Many homeless goblins have been seen wandering the streets of Hogsmeade with signs reading, “will work for access to Europe portkey”.

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Photo Credit: tibbygirl/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Students Are Disillusioned By The System

Hogwarts was expected to host the Triwizard tournament this year, but with previous fatal incidents, the Ministry of Magic was weary to grant them the opportunity.

Now, they’ve received word that Romania is refusing to lend them dragons for the competition, and students are feeling disheartened by the whole event now.

“It really is a shame”, said dragon handler, Charlie Weasley.

“I wish I could help my alma mater, but I have to due what’s best for my dragons,” Weasley told RISE NEWS. “Let’s face it, the Ministry of Magic has always underpaid us for our dragons, and at this point, the paperwork needed to bring them over is more than anyone can do in a lifetime”.

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Photo Credit: Sam Howzit/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

The Ministry Of Magic Is In Tatters And It Is Spreading Hate Worldwide

Wizarding leaders are divided between those that wish to host European wizards, and those that wish to push current ones out.

From across the pond, a Brexit advocate, Drump Trumpledore praised the UK for leaving what he calls, “the failing European Union”.

He commends them for “taking control”, and spews out rhetoric concerning his similar intentions for the wizarding world of the USA, (The Umbridge Sectumsempra Americas).

“We’re gonna put up a wall of dementors”, he told our reporters.

“But we’re gonna make Mexico pay for the charms we use to keep that wall strong”.

Trumpledore told citizens to protect themselves from immigrating wizards.

“If Americans want to feel safe and in control, they should go buy more wands,” Trumpledore said. “Good guys with wands stop bad guys from using their wands”.

When asked on her thoughts, J.K. Rowling mentioned her disappointment with the choice to leave the UK.

In her usual eloquence, she stated, “My values are not contained or proscribed by borders. The absence of a visa when I cross the channel has symbolic value to me. I might not be in my house, but I’m still in my hometown”.

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Photo Credit: mazz_5/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

It is a shame that villainous belief conjured up the majority of votes to cast out a union for the people.

It eradicated an identity that had been granted as a privilege to citizens of the UK and of Europe alike.

No one is truly clear on how this Brexit will affect the Western world, but everyone is anxious to find out.

The UK is in big trouble now that the Brexit has taken place, and Hogwarts worries whether it will remain a school for all young witches and wizards in the years to come.

For now, Bertie Bott is readapting his recipes, the dragons are staying in Romania, and Trumpledore is still a bigot and the source of annoyance for every intelligent mind on this side and on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in public affairs. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Ravi Shah/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

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About the Author
Michele is a Senior Literature major at the University of Colorado Boulder. Michele is especially interested in multiculturalism in current literature. Her other interests include music, especially bluegrass and classic rock and hiking and camping in her home state, Colorado.

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