By Caitlin Roberts
Our love was easy.
Our love was what both of us had always been searching for, and when I left him in the Paris Metro station that day, I really believed that the two of us would survive a year apart, but it was not that cut and dry.
It soon became this messy cluster of depression, missed phone calls, and living in this constant state of missing each other.
It destroyed us from the inside out and it led to him saying to me, “I think that we may have run our course.”
What I ultimately learned over this past year and some change, is that a long-distance relationship, with an ocean standing between the two of us, could be one of the worst decisions either of us have ever made, yet neither of us regret any of it.
Almost every girl dreams about going abroad and having the cliché, tall, dark and handsome man sweep them off their feet, but I never thought it would actually happen to me.
Something like that only happens in dreams, right?
So, when I arrived in London to spend a semester abroad, the last thing I thought would happen was to meet the love of my life.
When I met him, I had only been in the city for six days.
Hell, I had only gone to one class.
I just kept asking myself, “How is this happening to me?”
Our first conversation was about drinking tea and discussing history like we were invited by Catherine the Great of Russia to one of her salons in the 1700s.
That just completely knocked the wind out of me.
Not only did I meet a handsome English boy six days into my trip, I met one that loved history as much as I did and wanted to discuss it with me over tea.
I thought I had died and gone to heaven and that was only the beginning of the best, and simultaneously the worst, thing that has ever occurred in my life.
Just when I thought things could not get any better, January 24, 2015 happened.
We spent the whole day shopping, eating lunch, flirting and just enjoying each other’s company.
It was that day when I realized that I was in love with him.
I was head over heels, for lack of a better term, in love with him.
Only two weeks had gone by and we were almost inseparable and I honestly thought I was crazy for feeling this way.
How could I know for sure after only two weeks?
Later that night, after we had way too much to drink with his friends and I was successful in having them all yell “Roll Tide” when we took tequila shots at a bar in Clapham, we were standing out in the cold air drunkenly goofing off waiting for our Uber to arrive.
I had said something completely ridiculous and he responded with a jovial laugh and said, “This is why I love you,” and pulled me closer to him.
Without hesitation, I responded by laughing and saying, “I love you too.”
For the first week after that night, we were very noncommittal with “I love you,” because we were both wary about saying it too soon, but it felt right so finally we said it.
We both put it out there, even though we were not sure who actually said it first on the street a few nights before or whether that one counted.
We said it sober instead of just texting the uncertain “I <3 you” and decided to embark on the greatest and most fulfilling relationship either of us had ever had.
The next three months were filled with too much netflix, The Simpsons, debating over whether or not putting Nesquik in milk was considered a milkshake, and going on dates to places like the Churchill War Rooms.
I felt so alive.
A Creperie in London. Photo Credit: Davide D’Amico/ Flickr (CC by 2.0)
I felt so safe and sure of myself.
Being with him gave me so much confidence to just be me and go after what I wanted.
He supported me and was genuinely interested in everything I had to say, even if I did talk about my love for Kate Middleton too much.
He loved me for me and wasn’t asking me to change a thing.
I didn’t feel like I needed to be someone I wasn’t, just to make him stick around.
My friends back home quickly noticed my change in demeanor.
I would light up whenever I would talk about him.
I was not trying to find faults that would allow me a way out, like I had done with every other guy I had ever been romantically involved with in the past.
This time was different and I really thought that this one was going to stick.
Fast forward to May of 2015, and my friends had arrived for our month long trip through Europe.
We checked off our eight days in London and the next stop was Paris.
He joined us for the last three of our five days and when I had to say goodbye to him on the afternoon of May 14, you could have thought that one of us was dying or that we were never going to see each other again.
The second thought could have honestly not been too far off.
We had only spent four months together, which has never seemed like a lot in retrospect, yet we both felt as if we were losing someone we had known for years.
We felt like we were losing a part of us and we didn’t know if we were ever going to get it back.
We stood there in the metro station, holding each other while constant waves of tears rolled down the shapes of our faces.
For me, no one else was there.
It was just the two of us, cherishing the last time we would physically feel our love for each other for half a year.
Then, it was over.
We both went our separate ways and embarked on the dreaded long-distance relationship that so many people avoid at all costs.
“I have searched so long for the perfect girl for me,” he said. “And now that I have found her, I’m never letting you go.”
The next six months were awful in the sense that I was alone most of the time even though I was surrounded by friends who were constantly trying to cheer me up.
None of it seemed to work.
My body was constantly bogged down with an overwhelming sadness and I sunk into a state of depression that I had seen in others, but never experienced myself.
Facetime sessions, phone calls, and texts that read “I miss you,” and “I love you,” were becoming too much.
I was not only sad, but I was angry.
I couldn’t understand how I could find someone that I thought was perfect for me and I wasn’t able to be with them.
I was becoming bitter and angry because I was just so sick and tired of missing him.
Things on his end, 4,300 miles away, were just about the same.
We wanted so badly to make this thing that both of us had searched for, for so long work, but it seemed like it was only getting harder everyday.
November 14 is when he left Alabama after coming to visit me for two weeks.
After that date, nothing seemed to be going right.
Sweet, loving conversations turned into screaming matches over things that did not matter and times when both of us would spend half of our day angry at one another because we were six hours apart in time.
We began to rip apart what was left of this, piece by piece like animals.
Then, my visit in March, marked the end.
Something had been off for a really long time and it had driven a wedge between us.
Our Titanic hit the iceberg and started going down fast, but unlike the original, there were only two casualties this time.
Now, I have to ask myself, “How will I manage to get over him?,” because I never imagined that this would be the outcome.
I imagined it lasting for much longer, and possibly forever, but now I am seeing that some things are not meant to last, no matter how much you want them to.
I still love him with every inch of me and I can’t say I regret us, because I would be lying.
Part of me hopes that when I move to London later this month, our timing will be right this time.
Maybe in this version of the Titanic, Jack and Rose survive the turmoil and overcome everything that is thrown at them, but I absolutely cannot throw my life away by putting all that I have onto a sinking ship.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
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Liberal Takeover: LIVE Canada Election Night Results 2015
Rise News will be covering results as they come in across Canada throughout the night.
The nation is deciding on 338 ridings (districts) and a party needs 170 elected members in order to win an outright majority.
Polls on the Western side of the nation are still open until 10 PM EST.
9:45 EST: The CBC is projecting that the Liberal Party will ride to power and that Justin Trudeau will be the next prime minister. 234 ridings are still outstanding.
9:00 EST: Early results show that the Liberal Party is outperforming expectations and is making tremendous gains on in the Atlantic Canada region.
There is speculation that a Liberal wave may be developing and that voters have come together to ensure that Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his Conservative Party are kept out of office after ten years of holding power.
Want to join the conversation? Tweet at us your thoughts about the election by using the hashtag #RiseCanada2015
Photo Credit: Alex Indigo/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
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Atlantic Magazine Listed The “100 Most Influential Figures In American History” And Didn’t Put A Single Native American On The List
The other day while browsing Facebook I came across a 2006 piece from the Atlantic titled, “The 100 Most Influential Figures in American History.” It was being promoted by the magazine with a Facebook ad buy.
I clicked on the post and found that the Atlantic asked ten “eminent historians” (their words, not mine) to select 100 of the most influential people to shape American history. As I clicked through the list I realized that there was not a single Native American mentioned.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I am a reservation-raised, fully enrolled, card-carrying Native American (yes, we have cards, they are called Certificates of Indian Blood or CIB).
I am also an attorney, husband and father of young children. Like most parents, I am concerned about the world my children will grow up in. I pay attention to things that have the power to influence their lives. I notice when Native Americans make appearances in books, news stories and film. I also notice when we are omitted, ignored or forgotten about completely, which was the case for The Atlantic’s piece on the 100 most influential people in American history.
When you only ask people from a certain demographic to weigh in on an issue, you get biased results that reflect a limited point of view. American history is considerably more than what white people think.
So who cares right? It’s a stupid list, my children will probably never see it and no one really thinks about posts like these longer than five minutes, right? Wrong. I scrolled away and moved on, or at least tried.
In my attempt to move forward, a flurry of questions kept bringing me back to this list. “Where was Sitting Bull? Crazy Horse? Jim Thorpe? Why did PT Barnum, the circus guy make the list and not Chief Joseph or Tecumseh?”
To be sure, I re-read the list a few more times and noted how many were male and female and noted the race of each person mentioned.
Here is the count for those keeping score: 90 = male, 10 = female, 92 = White/Caucasian, 8 = Black/African, 0 = Latino, 0 = Asian and 0 = Native American.
Maybe I am sensitive to this topic because I am Native American. I definitely can’t change what I am. But I have the power to change the way I think and try to open my mind to new viewpoints. We all have that power. The Atlantic does too, and yet for this list they chose not to. In concocting this list and selecting their panel of historians The Atlantic only petitioned white people.
I am not saying that as a negative thing. It’s just a fact. I looked them all up, read their bios and saw their pictures. All very smart and very accomplished, all very white, and in the “whiteness” of these experts lies the problem. When you only ask people from a certain demographic to weigh in on an issue, you get biased results that reflect a limited point of view. American history is considerably more than what white people think.
You can’t tell me that PT Barnum, Stephen Foster or Joseph Smith are more influential in American History than literally every Native American to have ever lived. What about leaders of the Lakota, Dakota, Oglala and others who fought against Manifest Destiny and American expansion and whose resistance and treaties influenced present day American borders?
Come on, this dude can’t be more important than every Native American ever. Photo Credit: Tom/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
What about the Natives who fought along side George Washington during the American Revolution? Surely they had more of a hand in America’s fate and legacy than the writer of “My Old Kentucky Home” or the circus guy. When was the last time you went to a circus? Heck, when was the last time you thought about a circus?
What about Sacagawea who accompanied Lewis and Clark (they made the list) along their expedition? What about Black Elk, Red Cloud or the Code Talkers who helped defeat the Japanese in the Pacific theatre of WWII?
Genocidal Andrew Jackson made the list. I guess you can influence American history by killing Native Americans, but not if you are one.
Part of me wants to forget this stupid list altogether. Part of me wants to argue till I am blue in the face. Instead I will settle to make this one point: Do not forget about us. American historians have an ugly habit of omitting important people and events from its official narrative.
This list is just another in a long line of lists, documents and textbooks that do not acknowledge or accurately teach about the contribution of other ethnic and social groups to American history. We’ve all heard the saying, “history is written by the winners,” and that may be the case, but we should know better.
The Atlantic should know better. The history of America is not monochromatic, nor are the individuals who shaped it.
Cover Photo Credit: U.S. Department of Agriculture/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
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Mr. President, My Mother Is Not A “Welfare Queen”
Over the course of American history, politicians have adopted a clever, yet nefarious way of using racial stereotypes as a tool for political gain.
From the War on Drugs that frames black men as “criminals” to the emergence of the so called “welfare queen,” history has shown us that framing particularly disadvantaged groups as “dangerous” or “unworthy” enables politicians to gain political support from the public, particularly white middle and low-class Americans.
If I had to sum up, in two words, the United States’ racial marginalization of the poor and financially dependent, “welfare queen” is as good and as bad as it gets.
The myth of the welfare queen is still a prominent weapon used today in U.S politics that tends to go unnoticed.
The U.S political system has maintained these false ideas about marginalized people in our society by reducing them to a second class citizen status and enacting discriminatory policies that perpetuate durable systems of injustice within our democracy.
The legacy of legal discrimination persists in our society today as low-income mother’s struggle to gain and maintain financial benefits from the government.
The burden of the welfare queen has become one of the most cutting stereotypes that plagues families across the United States.
It hurts because it has worked in changing policy.
The birth of this political myth emerged after the criminalization of Linda Taylor, an African American woman, who quickly became the embodiment of a pernicious stereotype after being sentenced to prison for welfare fraud in 1977.
Ronald Reagan gave a speech in his unsuccessful 1976 campaign for president that managed to frame poor African American and Latina mothers as “users of the system” without any concrete evidence other than the act of a single woman.
“She used 80 names, 30 addresses, 15 telephone numbers to collect food stamps, Social Security, veterans’ benefits for four nonexistent deceased veteran husbands, as well as welfare. Her tax-free cash income alone has been running $150,000 a year.”
One woman who cheated the system evidently became the face of all welfare recipients, despite the fact that white families, typically, have been more likely to be on welfare.
Although it is not entirely clear all of which she fraudulated, Reagan’s intent became less about exposing the ways in which “liberal policies” had fractured the economy and more about turning the white American majority against minorities as a tool for political gain.
You can thank Reagan. Photo Credit: kate gabrielle
Reagan’s attack on welfare suggested that programs such as these, paid by tax dollars, only aided irresponsible black people.
Using the story of Linda Taylor, Reagan labeled millions of America’s poorest people as “deceitful” and funneled the belief that welfare fraud was a nationwide epidemic that needed to be terminated.
This image of widespread and unbridled welfare fraud allowed Reagan to convince voters to support his cuts to public assistance spending.
This was not the first instance that an American politician used self serving tactics to turn the public against the poor and displaced.
Much like the coined term “American Negro” the welfare queen became a convenient target for hate by simply framing Linda Taylor as the stereotypical lazy, black con artist.
Despite the fact that Reagan gave Taylor the most critical identity, the welfare queen stemmed from a longer and much deeper racialized history of prejudice and animosity toward families receiving welfare benefits in the United States.
This inequitable idea of the “deserving poor” and “undeserving poor” became a political weapon that Reagan introduced into U.S politics that his forerunners would all sustain.
Today, over 20 years after the implementation of Bill Clinton era welfare reform, the unwarranted stigma against poor women of color remains.
This telling of the “welfare queen” as users of the system continues to influence public policy by distinguishing between those who are “deserving” of support and those who are not.
President Donald Trump’s administrative budget cuts are now putting Americans on edge, especially those who rely heavily on public assistance programs.
Trump’s budget will potentially force millions of poor people off of food stamps and benefit programs such as Medicaid.
A recent article from Time Magazine states:
Cuts include a whopping $193 billion from food stamps over the coming decade — a cut of more than 25 per cent — implemented by cutting back eligibility and imposing additional work requirements, according to talking points circulated by the White House. The program presently serves about 42 million people.
Among these 42 million people, is my own mother, a 59 year old, single Latina mother suffering from chronic kidney disease, who directly relies on welfare benefits.
Being raised by a single mother on public assistance has allotted me with a perspective that a majority of politicians and policy makers could never understand.
It is clear that public policy continues to reflect the interests of the elite rather than the needs of the poor.
Such conditions only further the economic and racial divide in the U.S and perpetuates existing stereotypes about families and women receiving government assistance.
Although my mother has been on welfare my whole life, she is not your stereotypical “welfare queen.”
She is not Linda Taylor nor is she a “user of the system.”
My mother is a woman who managed to raise six children on her own with the little help she did receive from programs like Food Stamps, Medicaid, and Social Security.
Yet, our story will remain under the scrutiny of those who may have never had to step foot in a welfare office.
Ending the myth of the welfare queen within public policy means acknowledging how we manifest these stereotypes in our everyday lives.
It means recognizing that one person’s mistake cannot suddenly be the burden of others that look like them.
For far too long, our society has reduced people of color to a second class citizen status, resulting in the unremitting struggle to overcome the burden of such baseless conclusions.
We must overcome this myth by restructuring and developing policy around families as they are—not who society deems them to be.
Rather than stigmatizing recipients of public assistance programs, the government must strengthen the ways in which these programs respond to critical social and economic needs.
Even more so, we must acknowledge how failure to reconcile the racial discrimination of our nation’s past infringes our ability to ensure that all Americans have the dignity they deserve in the present.
We can fight against this stigma by advocating for the full participation of all Americans our society and the economy.
Instead of dwelling on individual failures or mistakes, we should be asking ourselves how we got here and how we can move towards a more equitable society.
RISE NEWS is a news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
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Cover photo credit: U.S. Army
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