Well for starters, I personally have never participated in any Valentine’s Day festivities.
I swear, in my head, I just heard all of you “Aw”.
I appreciate your sympathy or empathy, whichever one applies; but, don’t worry, it is O.K!
I’m only twenty-one and I will have plenty of opportunities in the future to take my significant other, whoever you are, out for a night on the town.
For now, I am perfectly fine with celebrating Valentine’s day by myself with an alcoholic beverage in-hand accompanied with Baltimore’s finest chicken wings.
Shameless plug: Shout out to the Local Fry on 21 East Cross Street.
So, what does Valentine’s Day look like for single people?
I’m going to attempt to break it down for you.
Valentine’s Day is one of the only days out of the 365 that women are EXPECTED to be catered to.
Unless it’s your birthday, wedding anniversary, or you’re a mom.
If you’re a mother and married, you’re lucky because you get three, maybe four days dedicated to you where you are showered with affection and thoughtful gifts.
Not saying that men can’t go above and beyond and do thoughtful and “cute” things for their significant other on any given day but, I am not speaking to those who are ten plus years into their marriage; and, this is 2017.
Let’s be realistic here.
If you’re in college right now or if you have graduated within the past two years, it feels like 95% of the people you know are single.
Don’t quote me on that statistic, but single people don’t necessarily do “cute” things.
Or am I speaking for myself here?
Ya’ll the author ain’t saying this exactly, but honestly tho?.. Photo Credit: Satish Krishnamurthy/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
There are a few types of single people on Valentine’s Day.
Those who don’t care (raises hand), the hopeless romantics who are pressed to find a Valentine for the day, those who troll their “taken” friends on social media, and those who are bitter that they aren’t being catered to.
We all know at least one person who belongs to one of those categories.
Now, I don’t know about you and your acquaintances but oddly enough, my lady friends are mainly those who occupy the categories.
Single men don’t usually make a big fuss about Valentine’s Day, or at least the single men that I know.
For the guys, being single on Valentine’s Day means last week’s paycheck can stay in your pocket because you aren’t paying for steak dinners, teddy bears, and chocolate covered strawberries.
I don’t know any single young man in his right mind who would be angry or bitter on Valentine’s Day.
Ladies, thank the double standard for this one.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we’re heartless.
I’m simply saying that single men don’t get too emotionally wrapped up in Valentine’s Day if we don’t have to.
Now, sending a bouquet of flowers, or a thoughtful card, or a bottle of champagne and box of chocolates to someone in attempt to woo is perfectly fine.
In fact, it’s normal for that to happen.
According to History.com, more than half of this country’s population partake in Valentine’s Day by “sending greeting cards or flowers, giving candy or other gifts, enjoying romantic dinners, or all three”.
So, it’s O.K. to participate in Valentine’s Day; but if you’re single and you’re attempting to sweep a young lady, or young man, off his or her feet with a barrage of gifts and thoughtful messages be prepared for the imminent rejection in the following days.
It is extremely flattering to be catered to on a day that is dedicated to love and romance but once that day is over and love is no longer lingering in the air, be prepared for an “It’s not you, it’s me” text message.
Love can be funny.
You just have to be strong and willing to laugh sometimes.
And when that doesn’t work, just eat a bunch of french fries.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
Cover Photo Credit: Tom Hilton/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
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Ladies, This D Ain’t Free
The world is filled with hypocrites, racism, Donald Trump tweets, and double standards.
There are a bunch of double standards in different areas of life but, guess what I’ll be focusing on?
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
The dating world!
More specifically, the first date.
Yup, a perfect follow up to my Valentine’s Day special.
“Oh my god, how can he talk about double standards in the dating world if he isn’t in a relationship? Oh no. He’s generalizing.”
First of all, hush.
Not the case, whatsoever.
I decided that I would interview a few people and see where they stand on the topic.
I made a conscious effort to search for and include singles, couples, gay, straight, brown, white, purple, Donald Trump supporters.
I think I’m going to stop dropping his name now, every time I type it I hear “Dun, Dun, DUN”.
It’s weird.
So, after the Valentine’s Day article was published, my good friend Lamar a.k.a. Big Money Mar planted the seed in my head to write an article addressing the “Double Standard”.
I ran with it.
Actually, it gives me a great excuse to talk to all the pretty girls around campus and other universities in the area.
So, why not?
The question was “In regards to the first date, should men be expected to pick up the bill?”
Society, custom, tradition, status quo, what ever you wish to call it has deemed it a requirement for the man to pay for the first date.
It is what it is.
No way to get around it.
The man has always been expected to be chivalrous due to some old fashioned courting technique established when Shakespeare was shaking it for a shilling.
When I asked Habon, a senior at the University of Baltimore, if the man should pay for the first date?
She succinctly replied, “The man should always pay.”
What ever the first date looks like to you, the man must pay according to the rules of society unless it is communicated otherwise; which a few young ladies agreed with.
You know he just paid for dinner, right? Photo Credit: Iselin/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
Sydney, a Towson University sophomore agreed.
“Yes, I believe that clear and understanding conversations can eliminate the double standard. I don’t think there’s a big problem with going half on the first date.”
“All depends on who asked who out” says Siobhan, a graduate student at The University of Baltimore. “I personally would pay for the first date if I asked the man out. If he asked me out, then I would expect him to pay.”
While Taylor, a senior at The University of Baltimore, strongly believes the man has to pay to have her heart. “If the man is truly interested in pursuing, he should pay on the first date. If not, I categorize him as a friend. Paying for the first meal is an act of providing for a potential lover. If he doesn’t pay, that’s not a good sign in my opinion.”
If some women believe that paying for the first date equates to showing interest, how do men discern whether a woman is interested in a relationship or interested in getting a free meal?
Think about that one.
In a society where women compete with men in all aspects of life whether it be the workplace, weight room, court room, and even the battlefield it seems hypocritical for a woman to bow out when the bill hits the table, don’t you think?
Some will avoid the conversation and brush it off with the usual rebuttal “It’s just how it is.”
But, if I’m not mistaken, not too long ago women weren’t allowed to hold the same position as a man in society and that was brushed off with “It’s just how it is.”
So how is it O.K. to want to break down walls but be selective of which bricks remain?
If you’re reading this and think to yourself “He’s making this a big issue because he’s broke”, that’s definitely not the case either and congratulations, you played yourself.
Honestly, this is a conversation that needs to be had.
Some women are holding onto this outdated custom which essentially places them in an inferior position but are steady marching around the world hoisting “Respect my Existence or Expect my Resistance” signs above their head.
I say inferior position very loosely because I am not implying that women can’t pay for the bill but, in my eyes women are surrendering their power just for an expected meal.
It’s mind-boggling to me.
I asked Jennifer R. for her position on the matter, a woman with more experience than the college girls I had interviewed.
She said: “Our society has always put pressure on a man to pay, especially with the first date. It’s expected. When I go on dates I always make sure I have money to cover the bill. I have paid for dates in the past, I want to pay for dates but the first one is the ice breaker. Let a man be a man from time to time but also give him the respect he deserves and pay.”
“It isn’t necessarily the man’s fault for the existence of the double standard” said Lamar a.k.a. Big Money Mar.
Which is true.
It isn’t our fault (or at least the Millennials)!
So where do we go from here?
How do we progress as a society if women hold onto outdated customs?
Ladies, some of y’all earn more than the male counterpart but are still expecting dinner on the first date.
Don’t allow old traditions to erase the historical and monumental progress that has been made over the years.
It’s 2017!
Out with the old, in with the new.
Pick up the bill ladies, turn the tables, and keep making history.
And always remember that this D ain’t free.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
Cover Photo Credit: Eve Ma/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
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“What Do You Live For?” Series: An American Educated South African Answers That Question In A Poem
For?
For the morning drizzle outside
cuddled with a lover
or the sweat on my brow
while I lift boulders.For the smell of spices from a cast iron orange pot
or the lingering taste of fermented grapes
in the lull of a Thursday evening.For the black man who waves
at a white baby
or the queer who helps the straight guy sow.For the corrupt politicians finally serving their sentences
or the homeless woman finally getting a fresh slice of bread.For the aborted children giving meaning to life,
or the orphans succeeding despite hardship and strife.For music
for pain
for love
for art.
For the swing in my hips
when the strobe lights flash and the
music vibrates my ribcage.For the conversations that last all night
or the eye contact with a stranger that lingers for weeks.For discoveries revealing us to be insects
to Gods,
or the majestic Cathedrals
DEMANDING REVERANCE
(Its own type of gift.)For humanity’s love
(which needs explaining)
and the fault lines of the heart
causing families to slip between tectonic plates.For tragedy
for birth
for death
for utter chaos:
reminding us that we’re riders of this rock
with fists plunged deep into moist soul
we cultivate, we reap, we straddle
riding this beast till all is eventually
forgot.Read More: Everyone Should Read This Incredibly Powerful Poem A Man Wrote To His Transgender Sister
Read More: “Peace”:A Powerful Poem About Police Violence
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
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You Can Still Help The Victims Of The Orlando Shooting
On June 12th, 2016, a man entered a gay bar called Pulse and started firing, killing 49 people.The response was almost immediate, with people stepping up to donate blood, money, and time to the cause.You can still help even as the event falls farther out of the headlines.There are various charities and blood donation centers, but what do they need now?One response was from Pulse itself.The club’s website was replaced with a page directing people to a PayPal set up for the employees, who aren’t working while the club is closed.“For those of you wanting to help the staff, the Pulse Employee Recovery Fund provides assistance to employees who have been affected by this tragedy and will continue to have monetary needs during our time of recovery. All money goes directly to the Pulse employees to assist with their daily needs while they are out of work.” the page reads. Sara Brady, the spokesperson for Pulse, elaborated “…(The employees) can’t work because (the) club isn’t open. They are also emotionally traumatized which will impact their ability to get new jobs…they need to heal.”Another way that people have been looking to help is with blood donations.Shortly after the shooting, people were lining up at OneBlood buildings donate blood, food, and time.Pat Michaels, spokesperson at OneBlood says that the best way that people can help is to schedule.“Keeping the appointments are the thing that we’re asking people to do: to make the appointment and to keep the appointment going in the future,” Michaels said in an interview with RISE NEWS. “It does help us keep things even and not have a lot of people waiting for a long period of time. In the initial hours after the tragedy in Orlando, we had people standing in line for hours, waiting to donate blood.”Calling ahead or scheduling an appointment online ensures that the process goes smoother and faster.Michaels also asks that people continue to donate and volunteer regularly.Blood has a short shelf life and needs to be replenished regularly.“But certainly, the thing that we want people to do if you’re eligible to donate blood is to make the commitment to do this going forward,” Michaels said.Cover Photo Credit: Governor Tom Wolf/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)What Do You Think?