Picture two lonely twenty- somethings, 2.4 miles away from each other, both struggling through the end of tumultuous relationships.
Two lonely people seeking very different things- one of us had good intentions, and one of us had none.
I was your typical tinder troll.
I was the QUEEN of ghosting boys on Tinder, and, unfortunately, Michael was the result of one of my most crafty “drink and ditch” plans.
My life as a Tinder ghost went through many phases but it ended in an incredibly unlikely way.
The Broken Hearted
I would venture to say that this is the most popular group of people responsible for Tinder ghosting.
These are the guys/ girls that will text/ snapchat you all the time.
They’ll make plans to meet up, but chicken out at the last second.
When I matched with Michael in the summer of 2015, I had just broken up with the guy that I had been dating off and on since high school.
My best friend convinced me to download Tinder “just for fun.”
I didn’t think I needed it, but I went along with it anyway.
The night I downloaded Tinder, I got a message from Michael.
He was going out and wanted to meet up.
I was freaked out about the whole idea of it, so I thought maybe I would just take a free drink for my best friend and I and ditch.
When we met up, he was a true gentlemen, he bought us drinks and we chugged them.
We left shortly after, and about an hour later, he saw me hanging out with another guy.
Although it may not sound like a valid excuse, I can assure you that the broken- hearted do not understand the damage that they may be causing.
These people are hurting and they probably cannot yet identify what a good guy/ girl looks like.
These people are looking for love, but still need to heal.
The Attention Seeker
This one is all of us to some extent.
Tinder is a great daily ego booster.
I don’t know of any other place where you can experience a variety of cheesy pickup lines crafted just for you (or used on 10 other people), get told how pretty you are, and rummage through hundreds of messages, choosing whom to reply.
Hangout two with Michael happened about six months later.
I had deleted and re- downloaded the app more than a handful of times since we had last seen one another.
This time, I had moved on from the heart break category, into the “home alone over Christmas break” attention seeking category.
I was out with a friend one night, and he was too.
So, I went over to where he was to meet him (and get free drink number two).
We talked for a bit, but then my friend needed me, so I left to be with her.
Later on in the night I saw him walking around with his friends, and I walked the other direction.
The attention seekers like things to be on their terms.
They only want you when they’re lonely or need the ego boost.
Attention seekers can get better over time, though, so don’t write them off right away.
Get to know these people, sometimes it might take a few tries to crack their seemingly egotistical shell.
The Gold Digger
Watch out for this one.
People like to blame this one on females, but I think this can be everyone.
This is the group of people that are unwilling to meet up UNLESS there is something good in it for them ie: dinner, drinks, entertainment.
They won’t just join you at the dog park or for a movie, they need some kind of incentive, and they get a high off of using other people.
When hangout number three with Michael happened, I was going into it with the intentions of more free drinks.
By this time, it had already been a year of enduring my ghosting, and he was pretty much sick of me.
However, one night, a freshly 21 Ariel partied a little too hard, and ran into some “medical” trouble.
I remembered that Michael worked in a hospital, so I texted him asking if I was going to die.
Turns out I was just fine, and the reassurance that he had my back was really moving to me.
So, ~finally~ date number one happened, and, (gold digger that I formerly was) ended up asking to pay for the drinks.
And, the rest is history.
You see, if Michael had not contacted me the second time we matched, even though I had already ditched him, I never would be with him today.
We have been dating for almost a year now and I cannot imagine a single second without him.
If he had not pursued me or had just begun ignoring me like I did him, we would not be as happy as we are today.
Sometimes the people who are unwilling to meet up are just gun- shy from their last relationship/ experience and need a little time.
They need a little forgiveness and understanding.
Trust your gut, though, and if it feels like you are being used, you probably are.
Of course, it could end up being love at first (or second) ghost too.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
Cover Photo Credit: Jordi Carrasco/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)
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Jack’s Is The Casual Italian Place That Miami Desperately Needed
If You Go:
Jack’s Home Cooking
Location: 2426 NE 2ND AVE, MIAMI, FLORIDA 33137
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Can This Young South African Change The Way The World Looks At Farming?
By: Lungani Gumede
UMLAZI TOWNSHIP, SOUTH AFRICA: Growing up in a rural village has many advantages and some of society’s favorite stories involve a dusty footed hero making it big in the city.
One of the biggest advantages of living in a rural setting is being thrust into the natural environment early on in ones life.
The surrounding forests, fields and rivers are a playground for children and, like other children, Dumisani Msweli quickly became infatuated with this environment.
He used to live with his grandmother in rural Umbumbulu, thirty minutes away from where Kwa-Zulu Natal’s coast meets the Indian Ocean.
However, Dumisani moved to be with his mother and stepfather in Umlazi township, the third largest township in South Africa, just outside of Durban.
Umlazi was one of them.
A view of Umlazi. Photo Credit: Lungani Gumede
With a population of close to 405,000 in an area that is 47.46km squared (8,500 people per square kilometre) the township is compacted and land that is supposed to fit one family, has had to accommodate four or five houses on one plot.
So any arable land would have been converted into space for dwellings.
However, Dumisani always felt love for plants and trees and never forgot his passion.
After high school, Dumisani went to University and graduated with a degree in Nutrition, but that was not his passion.
“One of my mentors advised me to follow my passion,” Dumisani said in an interview with RISE NEWS.
Which is what he did by going back to school. He received a National Diploma in Horticulture from the Durban University of Technology.
Dumisani then says he “saw a need and an opportunity in the township,” a need for work, cheap products and a cleaner environment.
This is how Ibala Organics was born.
Ibala means “backyard” or “garden” in isiZulu and Dumisani quickly realized that other amabala or “openspace” that belonged to the people in the community were the key to creating a sustainable, consistently fruitful business for the township of Umlazi.
Dumisani’s idea was to rent and buy land from inside the community, such as gardens, backyards and schoolyards and plant tropical and subtropical fruits and then sell those fruits to supermarkets and fruit processors.
By shortening and localizing his supply chain, Dumisani says there will be no need for expensive refrigeration or transportation.
The initiative will sell its fruits (pun intended) to fruit processors and supermarkets, which means that the gardens will need to provide its wares regularly and on time and the more “amabala” they have, the better.
Ibala already has a square kilometre of household backyard space that it has acquired and processed and a further 1.5 kilometre squared space from schoolyards that are being cultivated for the planting of vegetables in April.
Space is at a premium in Umlazi. Photo Credit: Lungani Gumede
However, Dumisani says he is always on the lookout and constantly negotiating for more spaces.
Ibala Organics aims to provide communities with a very valuable second income, without actually having to toil the land.
Dumisani hires people from the community to work with him and is adamant that he wants to give opportunities to people who just left school with the right qualifications, over eight million people are unemployed in South Africa and university-leaving degree-bearing young people are not being hired.
Besides the good that Ibala Organics will do for the economies of the communities it operates in, Dumisani says “it is our vision to plant the value of tree’s in people’s lives.”
Dumisani wants to ensure that the people who will be participating in Ibala Organics gain a love for the plants and trees that he will be planting.
Getting buy-in from the community was not a problem for Dumisani, because he started close to home – on his own street.
Once he had proven his model to those close to home, it was easier to get support from neighboring communities.
The drought that has hit South Africa has not severely impacted on Ibala’s crop of tropical and subtropical fruit, such as Mangoes,paw paw, avocado, banana, granadilla, citrus fruit and litchi and in April they hope to add vegetables to the offering.
Dumisani Msweli. Photo Credit: Lungani Gumede
Ibala Organics will soon be completely operational and the gardens of Umlazi will be home to trees and plants with heavy-hanging branches bearing fruit and vegetables.
Perhaps Ibala Organics and Dumisani will create a wave across the 400,000 people strong township that encourages local products and unity in the community.
A hand-in-hand initiative for the people, by the people.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in public affairs. You can write for us!
Know of a story that needs to be told? Send us an email to [email protected]
Cover Photo Credit: Red Bull/ Screengrab
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#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou Shows Why Abuse Doesn’t Always Have To Be Physical
Over the past couple of days one of the top trending hashtags on twitter has been #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou.
Using the hashtag, women online have been able to share their experiences of past emotionally and mentally abusive relationships, helping to break the stigma that a relationship has to be physically violent to be considered abusive.
In only 140 characters women from around the world have told the horrifying and true reality that some must face every day.
For such a long time many people believed that in order to be considered an abusive relationship, there has to be a physical element to it.
Women who were in mentally and emotionally abusive relationships genuinely believed that if they did not have bruises or marks to show for it, that they weren’t being abused.This idea is what for years kept women with the men who would insult, degrade, and humiliate them on a regular basis.
But using the hashtag women are banding together and taking a stand. These tweets are bringing to light elements of abuse that thousands of women always considered to just be typical parts of being in a relationship.
They want to redefine what it means to be abused. Be called degrading names, being manipulated and controlled, and broken down by someone that “loves you” isn’t normal. It isn’t something any one should have to take.
Being made to feel lesser or not good enough by a significant other is not being loved. It is abuse.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in public affairs. You can write for us.
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