Picture two lonely twenty- somethings, 2.4 miles away from each other, both struggling through the end of tumultuous relationships.
Two lonely people seeking very different things- one of us had good intentions, and one of us had none.
I was your typical tinder troll.
I was the QUEEN of ghosting boys on Tinder, and, unfortunately, Michael was the result of one of my most crafty “drink and ditch” plans.
My life as a Tinder ghost went through many phases but it ended in an incredibly unlikely way.
The Broken Hearted
I would venture to say that this is the most popular group of people responsible for Tinder ghosting.
These are the guys/ girls that will text/ snapchat you all the time.
They’ll make plans to meet up, but chicken out at the last second.
When I matched with Michael in the summer of 2015, I had just broken up with the guy that I had been dating off and on since high school.
My best friend convinced me to download Tinder “just for fun.”
I didn’t think I needed it, but I went along with it anyway.
The night I downloaded Tinder, I got a message from Michael.
He was going out and wanted to meet up.
I was freaked out about the whole idea of it, so I thought maybe I would just take a free drink for my best friend and I and ditch.
When we met up, he was a true gentlemen, he bought us drinks and we chugged them.
We left shortly after, and about an hour later, he saw me hanging out with another guy.
Although it may not sound like a valid excuse, I can assure you that the broken- hearted do not understand the damage that they may be causing.
These people are hurting and they probably cannot yet identify what a good guy/ girl looks like.
These people are looking for love, but still need to heal.
The Attention Seeker
This one is all of us to some extent.
Tinder is a great daily ego booster.
I don’t know of any other place where you can experience a variety of cheesy pickup lines crafted just for you (or used on 10 other people), get told how pretty you are, and rummage through hundreds of messages, choosing whom to reply.
Hangout two with Michael happened about six months later.
I had deleted and re- downloaded the app more than a handful of times since we had last seen one another.
This time, I had moved on from the heart break category, into the “home alone over Christmas break” attention seeking category.
I was out with a friend one night, and he was too.
So, I went over to where he was to meet him (and get free drink number two).
We talked for a bit, but then my friend needed me, so I left to be with her.
Later on in the night I saw him walking around with his friends, and I walked the other direction.
The attention seekers like things to be on their terms.
They only want you when they’re lonely or need the ego boost.
Attention seekers can get better over time, though, so don’t write them off right away.
Get to know these people, sometimes it might take a few tries to crack their seemingly egotistical shell.
The Gold Digger
Watch out for this one.
People like to blame this one on females, but I think this can be everyone.
This is the group of people that are unwilling to meet up UNLESS there is something good in it for them ie: dinner, drinks, entertainment.
They won’t just join you at the dog park or for a movie, they need some kind of incentive, and they get a high off of using other people.
When hangout number three with Michael happened, I was going into it with the intentions of more free drinks.
By this time, it had already been a year of enduring my ghosting, and he was pretty much sick of me.
However, one night, a freshly 21 Ariel partied a little too hard, and ran into some “medical” trouble.
I remembered that Michael worked in a hospital, so I texted him asking if I was going to die.
Turns out I was just fine, and the reassurance that he had my back was really moving to me.
So, ~finally~ date number one happened, and, (gold digger that I formerly was) ended up asking to pay for the drinks.
And, the rest is history.
You see, if Michael had not contacted me the second time we matched, even though I had already ditched him, I never would be with him today.
We have been dating for almost a year now and I cannot imagine a single second without him.
If he had not pursued me or had just begun ignoring me like I did him, we would not be as happy as we are today.
Sometimes the people who are unwilling to meet up are just gun- shy from their last relationship/ experience and need a little time.
They need a little forgiveness and understanding.
Trust your gut, though, and if it feels like you are being used, you probably are.
Of course, it could end up being love at first (or second) ghost too.
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Cover Photo Credit: Jordi Carrasco/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)