The world is filled with hypocrites, racism, Donald Trump tweets, and double standards.
There are a bunch of double standards in different areas of life but, guess what I’ll be focusing on?
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
The dating world!
More specifically, the first date.
Yup, a perfect follow up to my Valentine’s Day special.
“Oh my god, how can he talk about double standards in the dating world if he isn’t in a relationship? Oh no. He’s generalizing.”
First of all, hush.
Not the case, whatsoever.
I decided that I would interview a few people and see where they stand on the topic.
I made a conscious effort to search for and include singles, couples, gay, straight, brown, white, purple, Donald Trump supporters.
I think I’m going to stop dropping his name now, every time I type it I hear “Dun, Dun, DUN”.
So, after the Valentine’s Day article was published, my good friend Lamar a.k.a. Big Money Mar planted the seed in my head to write an article addressing the “Double Standard”.
I ran with it.
Actually, it gives me a great excuse to talk to all the pretty girls around campus and other universities in the area.
So, why not?
The question was “In regards to the first date, should men be expected to pick up the bill?”
Society, custom, tradition, status quo, what ever you wish to call it has deemed it a requirement for the man to pay for the first date.
It is what it is.
No way to get around it.
The man has always been expected to be chivalrous due to some old fashioned courting technique established when Shakespeare was shaking it for a shilling.
When I asked Habon, a senior at the University of Baltimore, if the man should pay for the first date?
She succinctly replied, “The man should always pay.”
What ever the first date looks like to you, the man must pay according to the rules of society unless it is communicated otherwise; which a few young ladies agreed with.
Sydney, a Towson University sophomore agreed.
“Yes, I believe that clear and understanding conversations can eliminate the double standard. I don’t think there’s a big problem with going half on the first date.”
“All depends on who asked who out” says Siobhan, a graduate student at The University of Baltimore. “I personally would pay for the first date if I asked the man out. If he asked me out, then I would expect him to pay.”
While Taylor, a senior at The University of Baltimore, strongly believes the man has to pay to have her heart. “If the man is truly interested in pursuing, he should pay on the first date. If not, I categorize him as a friend. Paying for the first meal is an act of providing for a potential lover. If he doesn’t pay, that’s not a good sign in my opinion.”
If some women believe that paying for the first date equates to showing interest, how do men discern whether a woman is interested in a relationship or interested in getting a free meal?
Think about that one.
In a society where women compete with men in all aspects of life whether it be the workplace, weight room, court room, and even the battlefield it seems hypocritical for a woman to bow out when the bill hits the table, don’t you think?
Some will avoid the conversation and brush it off with the usual rebuttal “It’s just how it is.”
But, if I’m not mistaken, not too long ago women weren’t allowed to hold the same position as a man in society and that was brushed off with “It’s just how it is.”
So how is it O.K. to want to break down walls but be selective of which bricks remain?
If you’re reading this and think to yourself “He’s making this a big issue because he’s broke”, that’s definitely not the case either and congratulations, you played yourself.
Honestly, this is a conversation that needs to be had.
Some women are holding onto this outdated custom which essentially places them in an inferior position but are steady marching around the world hoisting “Respect my Existence or Expect my Resistance” signs above their head.
I say inferior position very loosely because I am not implying that women can’t pay for the bill but, in my eyes women are surrendering their power just for an expected meal.
It’s mind-boggling to me.
I asked Jennifer R. for her position on the matter, a woman with more experience than the college girls I had interviewed.
She said: “Our society has always put pressure on a man to pay, especially with the first date. It’s expected. When I go on dates I always make sure I have money to cover the bill. I have paid for dates in the past, I want to pay for dates but the first one is the ice breaker. Let a man be a man from time to time but also give him the respect he deserves and pay.”
“It isn’t necessarily the man’s fault for the existence of the double standard” said Lamar a.k.a. Big Money Mar.
Which is true.
It isn’t our fault (or at least the Millennials)!
So where do we go from here?
How do we progress as a society if women hold onto outdated customs?
Ladies, some of y’all earn more than the male counterpart but are still expecting dinner on the first date.
Don’t allow old traditions to erase the historical and monumental progress that has been made over the years.
Out with the old, in with the new.
Pick up the bill ladies, turn the tables, and keep making history.
And always remember that this D ain’t free.
RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.
Cover Photo Credit: Eve Ma/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)