The Zeitgeist

TheZeitgeist6

Is Bumble Really More Empowering For Women Than Tinder?

Finding true love just got easier due to the latest trend of dating apps available on smart phones.

Users are literally finger tips away from connecting with the right person, but who will make the first move?

There is a broad range of dating app, such as OK Cupid and Tinder, but the app that caught my attention was Bumble, often referred to by many as the “feminist app.”

It works just like any other dating app, where users set up a profile of themselves and swipe right if they have an interest in someone.

But here’s the catch, women make the first move.

Men and women both make their own connections, but once a connection is made, women only have a span of 24 hours to initiate a conversation before the connection disappears.

Then men only have 24 hours to respond to that first move by the woman.

But is the ability to make the first move more empowering for women?

For many yes, women have the control in this scenario, making men wait by the phone for the first response.

It is a total inversion of the typical dating app experience in that way.

Women at a Bumble event in Melbourne, Australia. Photo Credit: Bumble/ Facebook

Women have men wrapped around their fingers waiting for that first text message.

Dating is not easy and having the courage to be the first one to reach out to a possible connection can boost the confidence of many women.

Bumble changes the stereotypical role of waiting three days for the guy to call, pushing for women to take action within a 24 hour time frame.

For others, being the first to say “Hello” is easier said than done.

For those too shy to make the first move then have a limited time frame before the connection is lost.

There is pressure to initiate the conversation, which for many can feel more disappointing than empowering.

Some simply have no idea what to say, which happens sometimes, and that should be okay.

Everyone has different experiences with dating apps, both good and bad, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Many women have reported good feedback from using Bumble and have had good conversations with their connections from going on dates to just establishing friendships.

That is the beauty of dating apps you have control to choose the person you want to have a connection with, and Bumble offers a different perspective on who makes the first move.

There is no instruction manual or rule book to follow when it comes to finding love, and everyone is entitled to go about that journey the way they choose.

So is Bumble more empowering for women than Tinder?

It certainly has the potential to be.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Bumble/ Facebook

I Went To The Actual “Gossip Girl” School. Here’s What I Learned

Gossip Girl.

Not just a set of novels or a television series that shows an exaggerated interpretation of “Manhattan’s elite” at an all-girls’ independent school on Manhattan’s Upper East Side.

Truth be told, the fictional Constance-Billard School for Girls is based on my real all-girls’ independent K-12 school on the Upper East Side (but its name is “a secret I’ll never tell” – unless you can figure out the clues I sprinkle throughout the piece).

While some of the women I called my classmates had been at the school since kindergarten and had mothers who attended the school as well, I entered in the 7th grade as a financial aid student through an academic program that targets high academically-achieving students of color in New York City public schools.

My dream school as a 12-year-old applying to these independent schools was co-ed and on a campus that housed huge fields for their sports team, exactly what you would see on Friday Night Lights.

However, the program required all students to apply to a single-sex school, something my father was truly ecstatic about and something I cried about (I was very boy crazy at 12).

Due to my birthday being in September and my mother signing me up for pre-kindergarten at the age of 3, most schools wanted me to repeat the 6th grade so that my age could align with my future classmates.

However, the all-girls’ school that I did not want to apply to was the only one that decided to take a chance on me and allowed me to continue onto the 7th grade.

The months leading up to my entrance through the blue doors of the famed school felt like a crash course: having to pick up books that I never imagined having access to, preparing for the academic differences between the public school I was so used to and the independent school that housed women whose worlds I would not understand at first (and at times still do not), and buying a uniform that was beyond any clothing budget I could imagine.

However, by the time I graduated from the school, I wore my plaid blue, white, and grey skirt that always would just make the length cut-off with my head held high (each all-girls’ school had their own unique skirt).

As the co-head of tour guides my senior year, I received many questions from admitted students regarding my experience, many of which oozed with confusion and concerns.

Well, now is as a good a time as ever to pass along the advice that came from these conversations.

Here’s what’s it really like to go to an all girls prep school:

1. Yes, you will interact with males.

You do not move to another planet.

I will admit that my heart did flutter whenever I saw someone of the opposite sex; however, I think that happens whenever you are going through your first set of crushes.
2. Going off of that, take advantage of the opportunities given to interact with your brother school(s).

It is nice to have friends from there when you are forced to do plays and community service together.

3. You will not feel uncomfortable if and when you decide to go to a co-ed college.

If anything, I felt more confident.

I had strengthened my voice during my 6 years at my school.

I knew how to speak up and to speak with confidence.

Just because some testosterone was added to the mix when I started college did not mean I forgot how to raise my hand and share my opinion.

4. You will get many questions asking if you are now an uber feminist.

Always say, “Hell yeah. We never shave our legs, burn bras, never wear make-up, and you don’t even want to know what happens at school.”

You won’t get the dumb question again. Only a face of mixed emotions.

5. Be grateful that you are in a place that knows the importance of women in this world.

Faculty and staff go above and beyond to ensure your success because they know how much you are needed.

6. Also be grateful that you can shout about needing a tampon or pad without the confused, horrified, or joking reaction of men.

Be free, and happily catch that tampon that is thrown across the room.

7. You will become attached to your uniform skirt.

You will never want to throw it out.

You will take it with you to college and most likely use it as part of a costume.

8. I graduated with a class of 38 other women, and with such a small group, you are bound to know A LOT about each other.

You all may be at very different stages of our personal lives.

Do not feel as though you are lagging or are way ahead.

Everyone goes at their own pace, and it just may intensified because you see the same small group every day.

9. Almost everyone at your school will become a familiar face.

Be happy about it, especially when the cute little kindergarten student waves every time she sees you.

10. There are many moments when you will feel a lot of love accompanied by hugs.

11. Remember the moment you enter the blue doors (or whatever color your school’s doors are) as well as the moment you leave them behind. The experience you gain at an all-girls’ school is a very unique one that can never be replicated.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: William Murphy/Flickr (CC by-SA 2.0)

Five Ways You Can Use Your Spring Break for Good

There is one week in a college student’s spring semester that is far more cherished than all the others- spring break.

It is that sweet, sweet time when all of the dorms close down and students pack themselves into cars, driving across the country and searching for that perfect adventure or some much needed relaxation (especially after mid-terms).

There is nothing better than spending a week with your friends, but did you know that you can do that while making a positive impact on the community around you?

There are so many opportunities to do some good, while also enjoying your spring break with your friends, so you should definitely take advantage of them if you can.

Volunteering allows you to travel to some really cool places, meet new people, and it actually looks really great on a resume.

Here are a few ways to have fun and serve others during your week off:

1. Volunteer Abroad

This is a super fun way to see the world while also achieving positive change while you’re there.

In spring break programs that work abroad there is such a variety of available projects that you can definitely find something you’re interested in doing- and it might even complement your major!

On the trips, students can work on projects such as construction and renovation, teaching English and supporting children in school, and even assisting and shadowing physicians.

The International Volunteer Headquarters has some great volunteer opportunities abroad and you can find those here.

2. Go on a Mission Trip

Chances are, the religious organizations in your area are definitely planning some mission trips for students to take part in during spring break.

These are wonderful because they can be as close as volunteering in your local community, working three hours away, helping out in another state, or even going to an entirely different country.

You can enjoy time with your friends, make a difference in the community around you, and help to spread your religious beliefs.

Ask around in your area and I’m sure you can find a great mission trip to take part in!

3. Rebuild U.S. Homes and Communities Hit by Disaster

With the St. Bernard Project you can volunteer in cities across America, helping them to rebuild after being hit by a natural disaster.

The St. Bernard Project works to rebuild communities, prepare them for potential future disasters, and advocates for faster and improved recovery strategies.

This is a really unique chance to have a tangible impact on a family’s life! If you’re interested this spring break opportunity then you can look here for more information.

4. Volunteer in a National Park

Are you outdoorsy?

If so, then you should consider volunteering in a State Park for the week!

The American Hiking Society hosts a program that allows you to work with 8-15 students building and maintaining hiking trails in some of our nation’s most beautiful state parks.

I also feel like s’mores will probably be involved so that’s definitely a plus! You can find more information on these trips here.

5. Add Good Deeds to Your Spring Break Bucket List

If you’re a college student and you go somewhere fun for spring break, chances are you have a bucket list.

I’m sure it’s filled with so many exciting and crazy activities that you’re already wondering how you plan to accomplish them all, so what could adding one more item really hurt?

Consider making a goal of doing ten good deeds while you’re on your break.

They can be simple and inexpensive and even easy, but a little kindness can go a long way!

I hope these suggestions have inspired you to use your time off to make a difference.

Regardless of what you decide to do for your spring break, don’t forget your sunscreen, take a lot of pictures, and enjoy this little week of freedom!

Now, in the words of Minor Myers Jr., “Go out into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good.”

Cover Photo Credit: Adam Bautz/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Confessions Of A Tinder Ghosting Queen

Picture two lonely twenty- somethings, 2.4 miles away from each other, both struggling through the end of tumultuous relationships.

Two lonely people seeking very different things- one of us had good intentions, and one of us had none.

I was your typical tinder troll.

I was the QUEEN of ghosting boys on Tinder, and, unfortunately, Michael was the result of one of my most crafty “drink and ditch” plans.

My life as a Tinder ghost went through many phases but it ended in an incredibly unlikely way.

The Broken Hearted

I would venture to say that this is the most popular group of people responsible for Tinder ghosting.

These are the guys/ girls that will text/ snapchat you all the time.

They’ll make plans to meet up, but chicken out at the last second.

When I matched with Michael in the summer of 2015, I had just broken up with the guy that I had been dating off and on since high school.

My best friend convinced me to download Tinder “just for fun.”

I didn’t think I needed it, but I went along with it anyway.

The night I downloaded Tinder, I got a message from Michael.

He was going out and wanted to meet up.

I was freaked out about the whole idea of it, so I thought maybe I would just take a free drink for my best friend and I and ditch.

When we met up, he was a true gentlemen, he bought us drinks and we chugged them.

We left shortly after, and about an hour later, he saw me hanging out with another guy.

Although it may not sound like a valid excuse, I can assure you that the broken- hearted do not understand the damage that they may be causing.

These people are hurting and they probably cannot yet identify what a good guy/ girl looks like.

These people are looking for love, but still need to heal.

The Attention Seeker

This one is all of us to some extent.

Tinder is a great daily ego booster.

I don’t know of any other place where you can experience a variety of cheesy pickup lines crafted just for you (or used on 10 other people), get told how pretty you are, and rummage through hundreds of messages, choosing whom to reply.

Hangout two with Michael happened about six months later.

I had deleted and re- downloaded the app more than a handful of times since we had last seen one another.

This time, I had moved on from the heart break category, into the “home alone over Christmas break” attention seeking category.

I was out with a friend one night, and he was too.

So, I went over to where he was to meet him (and get free drink number two).

We talked for a bit, but then my friend needed me, so I left to be with her.

Later on in the night I saw him walking around with his friends, and I walked the other direction.

The attention seekers like things to be on their terms.

They only want you when they’re lonely or need the ego boost.

Attention seekers can get better over time, though, so don’t write them off right away.

Get to know these people, sometimes it might take a few tries to crack their seemingly egotistical shell.

The Gold Digger

Watch out for this one.

People like to blame this one on females, but I think this can be everyone.

This is the group of people that are unwilling to meet up UNLESS there is something good in it for them ie: dinner, drinks, entertainment.

They won’t just join you at the dog park or for a movie, they need some kind of incentive, and they get a high off of using other people.

When hangout number three with Michael happened, I was going into it with the intentions of more free drinks.

By this time, it had already been a year of enduring my ghosting, and he was pretty much sick of me.

However, one night, a freshly 21 Ariel partied a little too hard, and ran into some “medical” trouble.

I remembered that Michael worked in a hospital, so I texted him asking if I was going to die.

Turns out I was just fine, and the reassurance that he had my back was really moving to me.

So, ~finally~ date number one happened, and, (gold digger that I formerly was) ended up asking to pay for the drinks.

And, the rest is history.

You see, if Michael had not contacted me the second time we matched, even though I had already ditched him, I never would be with him today.

We have been dating for almost a year now and I cannot imagine a single second without him.

If he had not pursued me or had just begun ignoring me like I did him, we would not be as happy as we are today.

Sometimes the people who are unwilling to meet up are just gun- shy from their last relationship/ experience and need a little time.

They need a little forgiveness and understanding.

Trust your gut, though, and if it feels like you are being used, you probably are.

Of course, it could end up being love at first (or second) ghost too.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Jordi Carrasco/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Meet Daniela Núñez, The 23 Year Old Mexican Who Wants To Change The Way We Bury People

“What would happen if there were no graveyards and, instead of graveyards, we built paradises?”

That’s the question 23 year-old Mexican college student, Daniela Núñez, asked herself.

This question would become the foundation of her biodegradable urns project and company: BioEternal.

“BioEternal literally started in one of my courses,” Núñez said in an interview with RISE NEWS. “After researching, she found several companies in Spain, Colombia and Argentina that work with biodegradable urns. That’s when she decided she could make a change by bringing the seldom used concept to Mexico.”

After validating the market in Mexico, Daniela noticed that people like BioEternal, not only because of the practice, but also because of the entire experience the product offers.

With the help of partners and guided by professors from her university, she started creating the foundations for her business.

A critical moment for Núñez and BioEternal happened during her fourth semester of college, where she signed up for an I semester.

The I semester is a unique business incubation offered by the Instituto Tecnológico de Estudios Superiores Monterrey (ITESM).

“While I was there, BioEternal started moving forward really fast,” Núñez said. “I also faced my biggest challenges. People liked my idea but they kept asking me how I would work with Mexican culture.”

Núñez spoke about the Mexican culture as one of her biggest challenges.

“Mexicans have deep roots in their culture, especially when it comes to death,”
Núñez said. “It’s rare to see practices that differ from what we are used to, or from the typical funerary companies. That part was very complicated and we didn’t know if it would work here in Mexico.”

Daniela Núñez, the founder of BioEternal.

Another challenge Núñez faced while working on Bioeternal was the Catholic Church’s strong presence in Mexico.

“Ad Resurgendum Cum Christo,” a document released in August 2016 signed by Pope Francis states that the ashes of deceased people may not be kept in unholy or unblessed land.

“But after validating the market in Mexico, I realized that people no longer have a strong commitment with the Church,” Núñez said regarding the challenge.

Besides BioEternal, there are five companies that sell biodegradable urns too in her market.

Núñez spoke about Limbo as one of her strongest competitors in Mexico.

“A company that’s already selling and has very good sales is Limbo,” Núñez said. “Their product is something like a sand ball, but their concept and idea is about reintegrating with nature.”

Another company named Colibrí not only work with humans, but also work with animals.

“My plans are to start with humans and then make an approach to the animal market,” Núñez said. “If I started with the animal market, people are going to relate or interpret this practice as something exclusive for animals and that’s not a good idea.”

For Núñez, working with BioEternal has been more than just a way to help the environment.

“It’s very pretty to think about becoming a tree, but that idea is not enough, especially when you’re going through such a complicated stage in your life,” she said.

That’s the reason why Núñez decided to link together her company with the concept of green thanatology.

Without exploring the meaning of life and death, thanatology studies death.

Green thanatology, which is related to liberation, focuses on helping people go through someone’s death with the help of nature.

Companies like Limbo and Colibrí only focus on helping the environment, and this provided Daniela with an area of opportunity.

BioEternal’s focus on healing and its link with thanatology are its main strength and something that puts it beyond its competitors.

Death is not an easy subject to handle.

This is the reason why Daniela not only wants to change processes, but also wants to change experiences.

“It’s no longer an experience of burying a person, but of planting a life,” Núñez said. “Let’s make it beautiful. I want people to be able to keep these memories. That’s one reason why Bioeternal is named that way, because it’s an eternal memory.”

Setting up her company has not been easy and, currently, Núñez’s bigger challenge is money.

Producing a large number of biodegradable urns and signing up for this year’s national funerary convention are big and necessary expenses for her.

“I’m out of resources and I’m going to need help from crowdfunding,” Núñez said.

Núñez said that her long term goals are about making her own funerary company and a Bioeternal park.

“I don’t want families to go to a graveyard. I want this to be a friendly concept in which people visit a forest and visit their own tree because that’s much more attractive and pretty,” Núñez said.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Does Tinder Prove That “True Love” Is A Myth?

Online dating can be a minefield.

Fake accounts, bad intentioned users and conversations that can only be classified as cringeworthy.

But for those using apps like Tinder, finding a legitimate connection with someone can be hindered by a factor you don’t always think about; your location.

What happens if your search range on the app is 25 miles, but your “true love” is 26 miles away?

Sure, that may be overthinking it, but just like in real life, it’s a real possibility that you could be passing by your potential significant other simply because they’re located slightly outside your search distance.

There are 1.4 billion swipes and 26 million matches per day on Tinder.

One of those matches lead to Arianna Johnson meeting her husband Ben.

Arianna said she wasn’t expecting to meet her future husband through Tinder.

Photo Credit: @markheybo/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

She had been using the app for a year on and off, going on a few dates, with three turning into what she considers actual relationships.  

At the time, Arianna had her search distance maxed out to 100 miles.

“I did it because it allows for potential matches,” Arianna said.  

Arianna recalls Ben being around 20 to 30 miles away from her when the two originally matched.

For Arianna, distance wasn’t going to be the biggest hurdle in meeting someone, but talking to a stranger might have been.

“When you go to a coffee shop…you don’t know if a person is single or taken,” Arianna said. “It’s ‘hard to talk to a total stranger…If I saw my husband in public without Tinder, I probably would have never gone up to talk to him.”

Unfortunately for the rest of us, cases like Arianna and Ben’s serve as an outlier to overall online dating statistics.

According to Pew Research, only 5% of Americans who are married or are in committed relationships say they met their significant other online.

The good news is, Pew Research also indicates that online dating has lost much of its negative stigma, with only 23% of American adults believing people who use online dating sites are desperate, and 59% now say that Online dating is a good way to meet people.

So now we can swipe away without the majority of people giving us the stare down.

Small victories right?

Arianna Johnson met her husband Ben on Tinder.

You should be worrying about the truly important things when using online dating.

Read More: RFK Jr And Donald Trump Might Team Up To Undermine Vaccinations

Things like coming up with a witty pick-up line they’ve never heard of before, or making sure your pictures and bio page describe you as the perfect match, straying away from the hyperbolic nonsense that would lead your date to realize you are way lamer than they initially thought.

In all seriousness, the biggest obstacle preventing you from meeting that special someone might still be starting that initial conversation.

Stressing about missing your “true love” because you didn’t set your search distance high enough is superfluous.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Connie Ma/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Misterwives Releases New Song After Long Wait

By Annika Dahlgren

If you’ve heard of American Authors, Twenty-One Pilots, or even X Ambassadors, you’re bound to have heard about MisterWives, one of the latest bands to steal the ears of many young people.

Their hit “Reflections” is easily recognized, but the song “Coffins” was most people’s first introduction to the band.

Misterwives. Photo Credit: Abby Gillardi/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Lead singer Mandy Lee is the only woman in this alternative/Indie pop band joined by percussionist Etienne Bowler, bass guitarist William Hehir, guitarist Marc Campbell, and multi-instrumentalist Jesse Blum.

Read More: Can The 1975 Change The Music Industry As We Know It?

The band formed in 2012 and began performing in a small venue called the Canal Room in New York City.

The day after their performance, Photo Finish Records signed the band, and immediately they began work on their first EP, Reflections.

Since then, MisterWives has gained recognition for opening for Twenty-One Pilots and performing for MTV, VH1, and Jimmy Kimmel Live.

On February 17, their latest single “Machine” was released as a preview for their second album that will arrive later this year.

MisterWives is definitely a band you need to check out if you haven’t already.

Their unique sounds is mesmerizing, and you’ll get hooked immediately.

This is one of the up-and-coming bands that is going to become a household name, just wait and see.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Abby Gillardi/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Does The Center Of No Man’s Sky Actually Hold The Secret To Life After Death?

One could easily argue that No Man’s Sky was both the most hyped and most disappointing game of 2016, if not ever.

A nearly infinite universe was revealed to be nothing more than a series of expansive but lifeless copy and paste jobs of pre-made assets.

What many found to be the game’s largest let down was what players found at the center of the universe.

Originally rumored to hold a secret to life, understanding, or just a bunch of in-game currency, what players found was essentially a reset button.

But what if the ending to No Man’s Sky showed us what happens when we die?

According to Biocentrism, a theory created by scientist Robert Lanza, Life and Biology create the universe and not the other way around.

The theory argues that our consciousness creates the world around us, meaning space and time aren’t actually things, but are tools of our “animal understanding”.

Along with this is the belief in multiple worlds, where our choices have split one universe into different outcomes.

Read More: Can This Video Game Change Your Ideology?

Basically, your choice to read this article occurred in one universe while an alternate universe exists where you chose to scroll past.

The final part of Biocentrism suggests that our souls are essentially immortal.

Your soul can exist outside and beyond your physical body much like a hermit crab can exist outside of its current shell.

The controversial orchestrated objective reduction (Orch-OR) theory connects to Biocentrism and supports many of the near-death and out of body experiences humans have reported having throughout history.

Some scientists argue that there are simpler explanations for these visions and experiences.

According to inquisitr.com, “Skeptics have long attributed near death experiences to physical phenomena such as the brain being deprive of oxygen, not the human soul or any interaction with God or the afterlife.”

But former skeptics like Dr. Eben Alexander, a neurosurgeon who was stuck in a coma for 7 days says his near-death experience revealed a consciousness after death.

In an article for Newsweek, Alexander said his profound experience during the coma gave him “a scientific reason to believe in consciousness after death.”

“It exists, and what I saw and learned there has placed me quite literally in a new world: a world where we are much more than our brains and bodies, and where death is not the end of consciousness but rather a chapter in a vast, and incalculably positive, journey.”

The “Orch OR” theory could prove scientific evidence of our consciousness being  “mere computations conducted within the neural networks in the human brain” while concurrently proving the long held belief of a separate mind, body and spirit in many religions.

So what does this mean for the ending of the game everyone loves to hate?

If your consciousness can’t die, but migrate as the Biocentrism suggests, the transfer and reset of your game once you reach the center of the universe in No Man’s Sky might be a realistic explanation of what happens when we die.

That blinding light and relocation to another universe with a clean slatemay truly be a glimpse into life after death.

That, or it could have just been a cheap way to insert replayability into the game.

Maybe in another universe, I also happened to put the $60 I spent on No Man’s Sky toward something I’d get more enjoyment from.

If you’re interested in learning more about the theory of Biocentrism, you can check out the book Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the True Nature of the Universe by Robert Lanza with Bob Berman on Amazon. You’ll also find No Man’s sky regularly discounted if you ever feel like seeing what all the fuss is about.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Photo Credits: Blake Patterson/ Flickr

Here’s How Trump’s Gaslighting Reminds Me A Lot Of My Abusive Ex

Originally published on Everyday Feminism.

This election was triggering for a lot of abuse survivors. Calls to RAINN’s sexual assault hotlinesurged after Trump’s Access Hollywood tape leaked, and many have pointed out that he used verbally abusive tactics in the debates.

As a survivor of emotional abuse, one tactic of Trump’s in particular reminded me of my manipulative ex partner: gaslighting. This is when someone tells you that your thoughts aren’t based in reality, to the point that you start to distrust your perceptions.

In my case, when I tried to discuss my partner’s habit of borrowing money from me and not giving it back, he’d tell me I was being too negative. When I got upset with him, he told me that life was too short to get angry. If I felt hurt by a word he used, he’d say that nobody can “make” you feel anything without your consent, so it was my problem.

This led me to feel that I was too unreasonable to trust my feelings. I internalized his arguments and believed that if I was unhappy about anything he’d done, I just needed to put it out of my mind because life was too short, nobody can make you feel anything, and it was all my fault anyway.

Since I’ve learned about gaslighting, I’ve understood that all the things my partner blamed on me weren’t actually my fault. Looking at Trump’s words can also help us understand our own relationships, as well as the ways gaslighting can shape our political climate.

While people in relationships may gaslight to discredit and manipulate their partners, Trump does it to discredit his critics and manipulate public opinion.

Here are some phrases he’s used that either were used by my abusive partner or remind me of him – because they’re clear examples of gaslighting.

1. ‘I Never Said I’m a Perfect Person’

After Trump was caught on tape saying that if you’re famous, you can just do whatever you want with women, including “grabbing them” by their genitals as your heart desires, he released a video attempting to mitigate the seriousness of his comments.

“I’ve never said I’m a perfect person, nor pretended to be someone that I’m not,” he said.

My ex has told me something similar: “Nobody’s perfect. What do you expect?”

If anybody ever responds to your concerns about them by saying that they never claimed to be perfect or that nobody’s perfect, be very, very skeptical.

If “I’m not perfect” were a real defense against criticism, nobody would ever be justified in criticizing anyone’s behavior. But obviously, things don’t work that way. If they did, people could just avert jail time by pleading imperfection.

The “nobody’s perfect” defense isn’t just irrational, though; it’s also malicious. Its goal is to imply that by criticizing someone, you’re being so demanding and unreasonable that you expect perfection, and that if you truly understood that humans are flawed, you would’ve kept your mouth shut.

Photo Credit: Oli Goldsmith/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Photo Credit: Oli Goldsmith/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

Of course, people’s issue with Trump isn’t that he’s imperfect; it’s that he’s promoted misogyny, racism, ableism, and a whole lot of other negativity and oppression.

By reducing all these nuanced problems to mere imperfection, he’s distracting people from the real issues and painting people as overly critical if they want to talk about them.

Similarly, if your partner is toxic or abusive, you deserve to be treated better – and that’s not an unreasonable request at all. Asking for better isn’t asking for perfection.

2. ‘This Is Nothing More Than a Distraction From the Important Issues We’re Facing Today’

Trump also said this in the “apology” video regarding his Access Hollywood tape.

Similarly, he said in the second presidential debate that we need to forget about the tape so that “we can get onto much more important things and much bigger things,” like defeating ISIS.

He also tweeted, “I’m not proud of my locker room talk. But this world has serious problems.”

As if sexual assault weren’t serious or important.

These comments aim to convey to Trump’s critics that they’re blowing something out of proportion.

This type of gaslighting comes up a lot in conversations about social justice: “How could you talk about eating disorders when some people can’t even afford food?” “Who cares if queer people can get married when in some places, they’re killed?”

It also came up in my own relationship.

If I was angry with my significant other, he implied I was being myopic for focusing on supposedly small issues. He invoked lofty notions of love and forgiveness for the same reason Trump invoked ISIS: to illustrate the necessity of looking past the problem for a worthier cause.

Beware people who tell you your problems are small. They don’t get to singlehandedly decide what’s important. And if they claim to be the authorities on the topic, it’s often to serve themselves.

More often than not, the “small” problems are the ones they’ve contributed to – and the “small” problems can add up to something much bigger.

This type of gaslighting functions to dismiss people’s very real problems on the grounds that they’re not serious enough. And when it’s used as self-defense, it has another insidious effect: It makes the person who brings up the issue look petty.

When Trump said we need to focus on more important things, he was trying to dismiss people concerned about sexual harassment and assault – many of them survivors themselves – as uncaring, self-centered people who just can’t see the big picture.

That not only detracts from the real problem, but also penalizes people for speaking out about injustice.

3. ‘This Was Locker Room Banter’

Dismissing something that hurt another person as a joke or otherwise not serious is textbook gaslighting.

And it showed up when Trump called his Access Hollywood comments “locker room banter” ina statement following their release. He also referred to it as “locker room talk” in the debate.

This defense only worked because “locker room talk” serves a very specific function in our society. Without the connotation of “not serious” or “not a problem,” it wouldn’t even be a defense. It would just mean something unacceptable that’s said in a locker room.

But in our culture, we have phrases designated for the purpose of gaslighting – specifically for men to gaslight women. “Locker room talk” is one. “Boys will be boys” is another.

Both imply that certain misogynistic behaviors are forgivable and even inevitable, so if we take issue with them, we’re just being too demanding.

We’re essentially being told that we’re asking for too much when we say that sexual assault and entitlement should not be acceptable casual conversation.

My ex-partner didn’t use these phrases, but he did, for example, defend using the word “silly” to describe an observation of mine, arguing that “silly” isn’t a serious or hurtful word.

This language serves the same purpose: invalidation and belittling, by claiming someone else’s concerns aren’t serious – which is a huge component of gaslighting.

4. ‘She’s Playing That Woman’s Card’

Trump accused Clinton multiple times of “playing the women’s card on me,” or, alternately, “playing that woman’s card left and right.”

Accusing someone of playing a card, like the “woman card” or the “race card,” is also an example of gaslighting because it implies that someone’s trying to find a problem because the problem they’re seeing isn’t real.

In Trump’s view, if Hillary Clinton tried to talk about gender, she was just doing it because she wanted to win the election – as if being a woman or speaking out about sexism gave you an advantage.

Similarly, I and many other feminists have been accused of discussing the struggles marginalized people face just so that people will feel bad for us and we’ll gain special treatment.

It wasn’t always in these words with my ex-partner, but I knew what he was getting at. Once, when I pointed out a nudity double standard in a movie, he said I may be interpreting it as sexist because I thought about sexism a lot.

Another partner told me to stop “playing the woman card” after I suggested a hiring decision at his friend’s company could’ve been influenced by sexism.

Both of these instances made me feel like I had to stay silent if I ever had an opinion related to gender again – even if it was my own lived experience.

Once again, this form of gaslighting is more than a defense. The person using it is also on the offense, attacking the other person for supposedly making up injustice for personal gain.

Whether it’s used in politics or in the context of a relationship, “woman card” accuses the other person of being not only wrong, but also dishonest and opportunistic.

5. ‘I Think It’s Pure Political Correctness’

One gaslighting technique used by many politicians and everyday people discussing politics is accusing people of trying to limit free speech through political correctness.

Trump called putting Harriet Tubman on the twenty-follar bill and moving Andrew Jackson to the back “pure political correctness.” His former campaign manager said it was “political correctness run amok” when people criticized an anti-Semitic tweet by Trump.

“We can’t afford to be politically correct anymore,” Trump said in a statement to defend his view of Muslims as terrorists.

When equality and justice become mere “political correctness” and political correctness is portrayed as a threat to free speech, every social movement becomes subject to attack.

And that’s what makes Trump so popular. His supporters have been dying for an outlet for their hateful opinions. They’re sick of being politically correct – so much so that he’s been elected into office.

By deeming efforts to not be oppressive mere “political correctness,” Trump gives people permission to let out all the thoughts they’ve felt pressured to suppress. He’s brought sexism, racism, and classism back in style.

In reality, “political correctness” is just being considerate. And telling people not to be hateful isn’t limiting their free speech. They can still legally say what they want.

Gaslighters like Trump are themselves trying to silence people by painting their standards as unreasonable and oppressive.

That’s the effect my ex had on me. He often accused me of trying to be the PC police if I pointed out a gender stereotype or racist joke he made. I started to feel ashamed and think that maybe I was just being a killjoy.

Trump wants people who care about social justice to feel like killjoys who are just out to rain on everyone’s parade – rather than people with legitimate concerns.

***

Gaslighting can happen on both macro and micro levels and takes many forms. But its message usually boils down to this: “If you have a problem with something I’ve done, the problem is actually with you.”

The same way this reasoning teaches people to suck it up when their partners hurt them, it teaches them to stay silent about injustice.

If they speak up, they fear they’ll be accused of expecting perfection, ignoring important issues, being unable to take a joke, playing a card, or limiting free speech.

It’s this kind of intimidation that actually does all these things. Trump criticizes people unfairly, discourages them from discussing issues that are in fact important, expresses extreme defensiveness, takes advantage of his privilege, and suppresses people’s opinions.

And no matter what he’d have us believe, we’re not irrational for observing this.

Trump has put gaslighting on a very public stage. Perhaps recognizing this abuse tactic in this context will help more people build the tools to recognize when it’s happening on a personal level, too.

Suzannah Weiss is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism. She is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, Salon, Seventeen, Buzzfeed, The Huffington Post, Bustle, and more. She holds degrees in Gender and Sexuality Studies, Modern Culture and Media, and Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University. You can follow her on Twitter @suzannahweiss.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Kanesue/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

10 Reasons to Go Back to College

By Melissa Davidson

It’s never too late to go back to college.

In fact, the number of students “returning” to school is now outpacing first-time students.

Traditional-aged students between 18 to 22 are no longer the majority of students in the higher education system in our country.

Attending college is a rite of passage after high school for some, while for others jumping into the job market is the way to go. No matter where you are in life, here are 10 great reasons you should go back to college and get the degree.

  1. Earning potential

Having a college degree not only increases your career earning prospects, it may make you eligible for a pay raise or promotion.

The difference in median weekly earnings between a high school diploma and a bachelor’s degree can be $20,000 a year or more, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Yes, college can be expensive but the return on investment may be worth it down the road.

More education could qualify you for that promotion you’ve been gunning for.

Likewise, if earning a salary boost means going back to school, it seems like a no-brainer.

For new job hunters, the degree will likely land you a higher paying job with health insurance and vacation time.

  1. Career change

Sometimes we don’t know what we want to be when we grow up, so we work jobs to make ends meet until we figure out something more lucrative.

Or, maybe your current career feels like a dead end and pursuing a different path seems like a logical next step.

In fact, just getting a degree in anything can help you get a better paying job or open up opportunities for more senior positions.

According to Forbes.com, only 27% of college graduates have a job related to their major, so go study  what your heart desires and still have a worthwhile career as anything from an entrepreneur to project manager to a realtor.

  1. New challenge

A mid-life crisis sometimes yields an expensive new Ferrari or an equally expensive divorce.

How about investing in a new life challenge?

Furthering your education! Taking courses is a positive pursuit of a new-found passion or playing off your current strengths. Learning new things keeps life spicy.

  1. Financial aid incentives

This is interesting: Big employers – like Pizza Hut, JetBlue and Starbucks – help older students finish their degrees through incentive programs.

Nearly 3.5 million Americans over 50 years old have taken some college courses, but have not earned a degree or certificate, according to the National Student Clearinghouse Research Center.

For students like 63-year-old Diane W. Tavoian, the only way to finish her degree was by returning to college at Arizona State University, who partners with Starbucks to provide financial aid for employees.

Tavoian was already a student at ASU, but after hearing about the Starbucks College Achievement Plan, offered by ASU, she begged Starbucks to hire her as barista.

Starbucks got a good employee and Tavoian finished her bachelor’s degree.

  1. Positive role model

Your decision to return to school is an inspiring one for your friends and family.

You never know what your determination sparks in others.

It certainly sets a good example about finishing what you start. Good stuff.

  1. Personal achievement

Nothing is more satisfying than earning the degree you worked hard to get.

No matter what you study, your education leads to a richer life experience.

“When I was young for 15 minutes it was fashionable to tell your parents you weren’t going to go to college, “ writes higher education author Donald Asher. “My father, a design engineer, was driving down the freeway trying to convince me of the folly of my ways.

“Do you see that bridge,” he asked me, pointing to an overpass. “Sure,” I said, the typical insolent teenager. “Well, you see something different than I see. You see an overpass, and I see stress analyses, load factors, and fifty-year cycles of planned obsolescence. So I am getting more out of life than you are, and it’s because of my education.”

He was right, of course.

  1. Confidence boost

Learning new things makes you feel smarter, right? When you feel smarter, you’re enhancing your self-esteem. With a healthy self-esteem, your confidence shows, which shows your employer how valuable you are.

  1. Flexibility

You don’t have to attend a brick and mortar college or university to get your degree. Many students prefer online classes, especially busy people with families and current jobs to earn a bachelor’s or master’s degree.

You find a way to fit distance learning into your life in a timeframe that works best for you.

  1. More job options

Acquiring a new skill set makes you more marketable.

Not always, but college grads tend to have more job prospects because of the specialized skills they gain.

For example, many hospitals in the country will no longer hire registered nurses without a bachelor’s degree in nursing.

Nurses who’ve worked in the professional nursing field for decades are now going back to school to complete their degrees, sometimes on the hospital’s dime.

The degree also gives them more job options within the field.

  1. Meet new people

Classmates sharing the same interests is a good way to make connections that could eventually lead to a new job.

Having fun and meeting people is just part of the whole “college” experience.

If you’re nervous, like I was, about starting out on your college path, there are some things you can do to prepare so you will have the best time, like researching which campus group looks the most fun, or seeing if there are any out of the box classes that your school might offer that you could take for fun.

Plus, practicing those networking skills could serve you well in your new career.

Financially fit?

As you can see, going back to college has many advantages.

You’ll have to determine if the financial investment is worth it.

If you’re going to accumulate debt by going back to school, evaluate whether your potential salary will allow you to pay it off in a reasonable amount of time.

The goal is finding a career in a growing field with a paycheck that will do more than offset the costs of getting your degree.

But maybe the paycheck isn’t what it’s about at all.

College graduates tend to be happier and healthier and more optimistic about their past and future progress.

RISE NEWS is a grassroots journalism news organization that is working to change the way young people become informed and engaged in the world. You can write for us.

Cover Photo Credit: Vincent LaConte/ Flickr (CC By 2.0)

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